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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27291313">Hold Me Tight (Or Don't)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whosafraidofthedjd/pseuds/Whosafraidofthedjd'>Whosafraidofthedjd</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Mania [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Transformers (IDW Generation One)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Blood and Injury, Brain Surgery, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Medical Procedures, Mind Control, Mind Manipulation, Needles, Other, Yandere</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 18:01:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,970</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27291313</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whosafraidofthedjd/pseuds/Whosafraidofthedjd</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sunder has found a human he wants to have by his side, but no human would ever want to be with him. That's where he brings mnemosurgery into the mix. By god please heed the tags</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sunder/human</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Mania [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1999690</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The only thing that's ever stopping me is me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>(Trigger warning: blood, needles, medical procedures, yandere, mind control, forced love.)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>No matter how far the injured human ran, they knew it was over. No human could outrun a monster as big and as terrifying as Sunder. All they could do was run and hope they wouldn't run into a corner, and pray to find a vent to escape to. The monstrous cybertronian murderer loomed far back, not having to move very fast to catch up to the tiny creature.</p><p> </p><p><b> "Oh dear human, why do you feel the need to run?" </b> His voice was like a hiss, sharp as it left chills running down their spine. <b>"With me you will never feel any shame from your sinful memories, and you will have eternal happiness by my side."</b></p><p> </p><p>The human was backed into a corner now and turned to face him. </p><p> </p><p>"Sunder, eternal happiness by your side? How is that possible?" Spat the trembling human. "You tore my family to bits, kidnapped me and forgot to give me anything but water for 3 days! I could never be happy with you."  Venom dripped from their words, as the human cowered in front of their worst nightmare. But their words only caused Sunder to smile wider still as he slowly reached towards them with one giant hand. There was no place to run this time. They were at the whims of a psychotic serial killer.</p><p> </p><p>Sunder took the human far too gently in his hand but had them held in a way where they couldn't move an inch. He took them to the medical room to prepare them for the surgery as they shouted at him, calling him a monster. He rested his arm on the operating table and briefly let the human go as his mnemosurgery needles extended from his fingers with a soft shk and the human looked at him with increasing horror in their eyes. He picked them up and wrapped his hand around their body to stop them from struggling and tilted their head to the side with one finger as they pleaded for him to stop over and over again. And then, he inserted one needle into their neck.</p><p> </p><p>The needle didn't hurt all that bad at first, maybe like a flu shot. But then there were two. Then three. And then they reached the human's brain. All at once their body rushed with an overwhelming pain, and a headache that felt like a gunshot rang and rang as they let out a blood-curdling scream. The sound of blood rushing was too loud to hear anything over and the blood coming from the puncture wounds from their neck only added to the effect.</p><p> </p><p><b>"Now, be released as I erase all your sins! All those moments when you felt shame, sadness, anger, I will get rid of them all! I will be your guardian angel!"</b> He leaned in close as the human was still screaming and begging for him to stop with tears running down their face, his breath smelling of blood and rust. <b>"And we will finally be together without your sinful feelings in my way!" </b></p><p> </p><p>He started with childhood memories, wiping out the times at the playground, or with their mother in the car on their way to school. Those memories tasted like candy, sweet and delicious. If only the screaming would stop so he could savor them more. Next was their adolescent years, where the most delicious memories lie in humans. Times they cursed at their parents, or times where they snuck out to see someone were like fine wine to Sunder. </p><p> </p><p>The screaming had turned into their body shaking as their voice became more hoarse, and Sunder tightened his grip so that they wouldn't hurt themselves as their muscles spasmed. The screams had become more of a soft plea, and their eyes became affixed on his, pure fear shining in them. He pressed on anyways, eating up the memories of failure and heartbreak. (And every other memory as well.)</p><p> </p><p>He momentarily relaxed his hand. The brunt of the mind wiping is done. It's time to test them, then get back to work. </p><p> </p><p><b>"Hello, dear. Can you hear me?"</b> The human stares at him with awe and disbelief.</p><p> </p><p>"Who… are you? Who… am I? What is this place …" There was no emotion in their eyes. They were empty. The old human died in his hands, this was a new yet incomplete being. A half perfect creature, who would soon adore him for all his faults and all his failures.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>"Good! But we aren't done yet dear. There's so much work to do, and I will guide you! I will be what you live for now! So let's get back to work now shall we?"</b>
</p><p> </p><p>He held them in the same way as before but this time less restricting as he took any fighting left in them beforehand. As he inserted the needles again his mind began to swim with ideas of what to do with this clean slate. And then he knew.</p><p> </p><p>He took any remaining thoughts of hatred and disgust for him and replaced them with unconditional love, admiration, and adoration. They twitched in his hand as he continued onward, filling their brain with nothing but thoughts of him. He will be their guardian angel. From now on, he will be the air they breathe, the only despair they will feel will come from him, he will be the sun that shines on them, and their guide in a cruel, uncaring universe that wants to take them away from him. So when Sunder says to do something, they will do it. When he wants something, he will get it from them. And when he dies, they will die to be with him in the afterspark. They just couldn't bear to be without him. They might just break down without him. Only he can lead them out of the darkness that is all around them both.</p><p> </p><p><b>"You are so perfect now dear."</b> His voice sounded like metal on a chalkboard, glaringly harsh and painful to listen to. <b>"Now, rest. Sleep for as long as possible. I have so much to do for you."</b></p><p> </p><p>The human laid on the operating table, limp and bleeding.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Off the deep end</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sunder's beloved human wakes up with no memory of themself or how they got there. But when Sunder makes a small mistake, it all comes rushing back.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Check me out on tumblr @ robots-and-robots for more of my shenanigans!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sunder had long since moved his beloved human to a comfortable bed, and bandaged up their wounds from the surgery. They were hooked up to a heart monitor that would ping him if anything went wrong. Not that he needed it. He had been standing over them since they were put in the bed, and Sunder had been listening to every single sound and watching every movement as close as he could.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>"You look so divine dear…"</b> His voice trailed off as his beloved's head tilted towards him and mumbled in their sleep, their face so peaceful. He put his face to theirs oh-so-gently and whispered <b>"Your memories tasted delectable my darling."</b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>"... hmm?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sunder lightly took his dearest human's hand in his. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>"Ah, my dear! You've been asleep for so long I thought you'd never wake up! Those nasty Decepticons were horrible, you're lucky I scared them off."</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I feel like I know you, did something happen to me?" Perfect. He had them right where he needed them. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>"Oh dear, I knew that they had attempted something on you… but your memories! Those horrid Decepticons have hurt you! But do not fret my darling, I will save you from your amnesia."</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His darling little human looked on with slight confusion.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>"What's a Decepticon? Are they why I can't remember anything?"</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He feigned a look of concern to "pull at the heartstrings" as the humans put it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>"Those wounds on your neck were caused by a mnemosurgeon dear. They erased your memory of me, my most precious angel."</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Angel? Are you my-" </p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>"Conjunx Endura? Yes, see? Over there is the innermost energon I gave you?"</b> A glowing pink vial of innermost energon sat at the end of the bed. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I'm so sorry I can't remember you!" The human cried out, clearly distressed. "I don't even know what a Conjunx Endura is, but I feel like I know you! I feel like you're so important to me but I don't know!" Their face fell with a terrible realization "I don't even know who I am." They pulled their hands up to their face to cry out, sobbing out loud.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>"Hush, there is no need to cry now. I will solve this little bump on the road, and you will remember our wonderful times we've had together."</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>To anyone else, Sunder's face with its cracks and crooked teeth would strike fear into the most stoic souls but all they feel is… love. Like an old spark has been reignited, but off, because of the memory loss. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"But I don't even know what your name is." </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He pauses, a wide smile creeping up on his face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>"My name is Sunder, your savior. I will bring you out of this storm my dear."</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>----------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You and Sunder talk about anything that would come to mind hoping that it will bring up your memories. He watches with wide open eyes and that signature grin of his, lapping up every word you say as if they taste like candy. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He looks at you with a childish glee in his eyes, they tell everything that he is feeling. He seems to be keeping something from you though. Something important. If he really is as important as he says, he should be fine if you ask. But it's almost as if he's read your mind as he says;</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>"Something seems to be amiss, my most precious little human."</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Sunder, why didn't you take me to a human doctor if I was attacked by such an awful group?" You say this with caution, as an old feeling of unease that seems to come from nowhere bubbles up. Why are you so afraid all of a sudden? And then his needles come out on accident.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"No! NO! DON'T HURT ME! NOT AGAIN! PLEASE NO MORE!" I stand up without knowing exactly why, tearing off the electrical nodes for the heart monitor as I sit up with a start. Tears of fear stream down my face as I fall off the bed backwards trying to get away from Sunder and his needles. I don't even know why I'm afraid of them. All I know is that they hurt.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>"Now my angel, there's no need to be so afraid! Yes, I see now. I wasn't thorough enough last time. But this can be fixed! I can smell the sins coming from your breath. You shake! But you are going to see it soon. The beauty of my work!"</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As he's speaking he pushes the bed to the side and looks at me, and finally his smile falters a little as you put your arms up to defend yourself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>"The sin! It pours off of you in an inky black fog. It returns from the darkest reaches of your mind, devouring you whole!"</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He grabs me quickly, and looks at me with something that almost feels like sadism and wraps his hand around me too tight to breathe properly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>"This time, it'll work properly! You'll be cleansed of all your dirty little thoughts."</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sunder tilts my head to the side, and slowly inserts one, then two, then three needles into my head. The pain explodes like I've been hit by a truck and the last thing I can hear is Sunder saying;</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>"Now it would be best if you sleep now, angel. Just sleep."</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And I do.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>----------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It looks like this will become a regular occurrence now my darling. Sunder thinks to himself as he holds his beloved in his hand. I at least have no need to worry about the fatal injection with you my most precious little human. All mnemosurgeons know about the fatal injection. It creeps up, as if mortilus himself reaches towards them. But if the one having their memories read is organic, all danger is waived, allowing for infinite opportunities to be changed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>"Ah!"</b> He exclaimed. <b>"Your memories! They left gaps. Gaps where sin hides! They must be filled with nothing but good memories. I can do that for you my dearest."</b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>And he does. Memories of times where you were saved from unspeakable dangers by him, memories of wonderful adventures through mystical alien planets, memories of days spent on the ship, watching the cosmos go by in a blink. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>"We are two parts of the same whole my angel. Destined to be together. You'll see. I was meant to be yours."</b>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Road To Ruin</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sunder finally has the human in his grasp and under his control. How did he do it?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Check me out on tumblr @ robots-and-robots</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sunder left his beloved's room, human blood staining his hands. His room is directly beside it, and in the corner is a hole where he has a perfect, one way view of his dearest. Their set up is the same as last time, except this time a note is set on their chest. It's handwritten, in his scratchy yet legible handwriting. </p><p> </p><p>
  <i>"To my dearest most beloved little angel,</i>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <i>My dear, you've been out for a day after those nasty decepticons attacked us. I fended them off but they managed to injure you. I've dressed and bandaged your wounds and I will be back soon with some food and some clothes for you. </i>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <i>Your dearest Conjunx,</i>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <i>Sunder"</i>
</p><p> </p><p>It was a messy letter, with a small bloodstain on the corner. But it would serve its purpose well. He checked his human supplies for anything he may be lacking. Blood transfusions ready to go in case of any injuries, water, food, and clothes. There was still more to get but the human would have to wait for them to arrive.</p><p> </p><p>Sunder looked over to the altar dedicated to his beloved. Pictures of them adorned his walls, along with their name all over the walls written in energon. The altar had little keepsakes of them. One of their shirts he had stolen, a lock of their hair and a vial of their blood were his favorites. But his favorite thing of theirs? A recording. Taken without their knowledge back on earth, they had a lover there. They confessed under a tree to their old flame, and Sunder's spark broke in two at that moment. But one good thing came of that confession. A recording of his little angel, saying "I love you, more than anyone else. Despite your flaws and despite mine, we are meant to be."</p><p> </p><p>Those words tasted like the most delicious memories, like the sweetest energon, and like the greatest victories. They repeated in his mind 24/7, and were what motivated him to continue on when it came to keeping as sane as he could be without them by his side.</p><p> </p><p>But despite his best efforts, Sunder couldn't handle being without them. Seeing them with another person made his brain swim with thoughts of violence. He should use his powers to tear that wretched other human to shreds. But something made him stop himself.</p><p> </p><p>
  <i>What if my dear hates me? </i>
</p><p> </p><p>Sunder wasn't exactly the friendliest looking cybertronian. Tall, broad and scary, with spikes and pointy bits sticking out of him, most humans would run away in terror. (Before being torn apart of course.) But after a few human experiments, his idea was made possible. Mnemosurgery works on humans. Not from a distance, that requires a brain module. But it could be done.</p><p> </p><p>His first experiments were unsuccessful. Too many needles meant a full lobotomy and possibly making them brain dead. Too few needles and the results were more temporary and a much more thorough "coding" would be necessary. Some of them bleed out due to him accidentally hitting a major artery. Some starved as he didn't feed them right. And some couldn't handle being an experiment, so they threw themselves off the workbench onto the ground, committing suicide. It was a delicate balance.</p><p> </p><p>At first he didn't want to alter his beloved too much. Just make them despise other humans. Then he realized that would just make them miserable. So then he wanted to make them like him. But that would be too easily undone. He had to go full in. Make him their guardian angel. Make him the only one they feel safe with. He is the only one they will ever love. He is what stops the universe from killing them. </p><p> </p><p>Getting the human was a challenge. He could do it himself but that would run the risk of alerting the other Autobots to his presence and imprisoning him again. He could do something the humans called "Catfishing" but that requires patience. And that is not something he has ever had enough of. He finally settled on a bounty hunter. 10 million shanix, as long as not a hair on his precious human's head is harmed.</p><p> </p><p>He got a ping from a famous bounty hunter. He had the human. "Rendezvous at the coordinates and bring the shanix." Sunder did, and the human was finally in his grasp. Kicking and scratching at his hand, they were a wild and untamed thing. Taking the human back to his ship he pet them gently on the head, far more gentle than he ever had been. </p><p> </p><p>"Who are you? Why was I taken here? Are you going to kill me? I thought Autobots didn't harm us?" He only smiled.</p><p> </p><p>"Are you even listening to me? I'd at least like to know if I'm going to die? Are you really just going to keep on petting me like some pet-"</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>"You're home now darling. And soon, you'll be whole. We're two sides of the same coin."</b>
</p><p> </p><p>"Uh- WHAT? I have a partner, and I love them very much! Besides I don't even know who you are, now put me down before you break my arm or something?"</p><p> </p><p>He deposited the human in a large glass enclosure, with a bed, sink and bathroom and a cup on the side of the sink.</p><p> </p><p>"Is this... an enclosure? Am I a pet to you? Excuse me but I'm a person with a life to live, rent to pay, and a partner to love! I'm not for your sick entertainment!"</p><p> </p><p>Sunder only looked at them with wonder and glee, like a kid on Christmas. He spoke in a spine-tingling, nerve-wracking voice, as if Satan himself was speaking through him.</p><p> </p><p><b>"You my dear, are a unique creature. Small and insignificant in stature, yet bigger than anything in existence."</b>  His words did nothing to soothe them as he leaned in so close his eyes reflected their face like a mirror. <b>"Humans are so short lived, yet manage to reek of sin. Even you! With your small head, and tiny little legs, you have managed to commit the worst atrocity of them all!"</b></p><p> </p><p>"What did I do?"</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>"You promised yourself to someone other than me."</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Sunder tilted his head in a way that was probably trying to get a better look at them but only brought tears of panic to their eyes. </p><p> </p><p>"I don't- I don't understand! I don't think I deserve to die!"</p><p> </p><p><b>"Kill you?"</b> The confusion in his voice was true. Had his intent not come through clear with his words? <b>"My dear! You are sorely mistaken. I am your Conjunx! Your other half! Or as humans put it, your husband?"</b></p><p> </p><p>"HUSBAND!? Sir I hardly know you! And even if I did know you, I already have a boyfriend and I love him more than I will ever love you."</p><p> </p><p>The hand Sunder had on the edge of the clear box the human turned to a fist, shards of glass bursting everywhere. It cut into the human and they hurriedly put their arms in front of themselves to protect their face.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>"Now now. That walking pile of sin is far far away now. And there is nothing more you have to do with him."</b>
</p><p> </p><p>"But-"</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>"You're bleeding darling. And while your blood would taste delicious, I can't afford to have you fall unconscious or worse."</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Reaching for them with the hand that didn't have glass shards sticking out of it, he held them firmly in his hand and took them to a corner of the room that had medical supplies. Sunder pinned them to the table as they thrashed around with blood dripping everywhere. One limb at a time, he picked the pieces of glass out of them and dressed and bandaged the wounds. Judging by the screams of pain the human made, it stung terribly. Then Sunder moved them to the medical bed and strapped them to it and moved on to cleaning off their face. He patched them up with expert precision as they cried out hoping someone would rescue them.</p><p> </p><p>"Hello? Anyone? Please, someone help me! This can't be happening to me!"</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>"You speak as if anyone will ever rescue you."</b>
</p><p> </p><p>The human finally stopped moving and let Sunder work as his words set in. No one will ever come for them. No one will ever save them. Ever. Ever. Ever.</p><p> </p><p>The human didn't even react anymore to the sting of the cleaning of their wounds. Nor when he set them in his hand, this time loosely and just sat there petting them with a look of wonder and some sick form of love. For once, his mouth was closed. </p><p> </p><p>Sunder looked back on the next two days as a time where he had what he thought he always wanted, but had been in denial of one fundamental truth. Having his beloved is meaningless if he isn't their beloved. Sure they didn't resist his petting, or him telling them all about the last person he ate the memories of. But they never reacted. They only drank when he forced water in their mouth. His dearest didn't even eat and became lethargic and entirely nonresponsive. That's when he knew. It's time for you to be perfect.</p><p> </p><p>That was also the day he realized he had been conned. He woke up and they were gone. All that was left of them was a fresh bloodstain where he had broken the glass a few days ago. The vent nearest to the glass box was open as well, meaning they had truly escaped. Sunder cursed himself and his oversight. But now he had a human to catch.</p><p> </p><p>The first place he checked was his room. And sure enough, there was a stack of boxes the human must have climbed down and the door was open. They must be terrified. If they stayed with me they would be worry free. And they were terrified. Straining his audials, he heard a faint and distant whimpering from a hallway further down.</p><p> </p><p><b>"Oh dear human, why do you feel the need to run?"</b> He put his hand around the corner of the hallway, just to hear their muffled gasp. <b>"With me, you will never feel any shame from your sinful memories, and you will have eternal happiness by my side."</b></p><p> </p><p>Now backed into a corner, they stood strong and tall, looking him in the optics with nothing but pure revulsion at him.</p><p> </p><p>"Sunder, eternal happiness by your side? How is that possible?" His hand dented the wall unconsciously. Their words hurt, but he was not surprised. "You tore my family to bits, kidnapped me and forgot to give me anything but water for 3 days! I could never be happy with you."</p><p> </p><p>Yes. It's time now my dear. Now It's time for you to be perfect. He didn't bother trying to hide his smile as he reached his hand towards them. There was no trying to escape him now, they were cornered.</p><p> </p><p>Back in the present, Sunder had been scrawling mortilus' name on the walls in the blood of his beloved. The walls had been written over multiple times, in both blood and energon which made his entire room smell of rust. He checked on the human one more time before going into recharge.</p>
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